We are known for our double chins.

Updated: May 27, 2019


My husband has been gone all week long; gone last week too. And it never fails that all of my hair brainness seeps through when I’m left to command this ship on my own.


There are very specific processes that need to take place in order for our crew to maintain control. NOT! It’s chaos always. Utter and despairingly, chaos.


Chaos that can be funny with two people and extremely dangerous when solo.


For example, when Cam is away, my car battery has literally died while pumping gas and pouring rain and pregnant. What is funny about this story is that I typically run OUT of gas and get stranded. This time, I was actually PUMPING gas ON time AND STILL became stranded.


Children have had to attend the ER, the garage door has broken, power has gone out, tires have flattened, and sickness has struck, all while dad is away on business.


A more recent example though is thanks to all the multitude of school field trips that have ensued.


Chucky is always with me, along with baby Jules, because things work out that PERFECTLY. And the mosquitos are BAD here lately. Poor Chucky. Chucky gets eaten alive, if we miss a spot spraying the Off, and those little blood suckers will find flesh.


So right after it rained, Hazel (Chucky) got eaten up at an outdoor field trip. And for two days following that, her left leg swelled up twice the size of her right leg. I took her to the doctor’s office (with another semi-ill kid to hopefully get a BOGO on doctor‘s visits) and the Doctor said not to be alarmed; that swelling can be normal.


Normal? What a unique choice of reassurnace, verbiage, for apparent elephantitis, in Chucky’s LEFT LEG! She had even started dragging her leg a little bit. I mean, I’m sure it was HEAVY!? But no, that can be normal. Normal though, only for people like us, who carry around extra gas cans, JUST IN CASE.


I half way feel it a compliment that the doctor sort of thought we might be semi-normal. And then I’m also halfway offended that she also might have assumed that elephantitis-toddler-legs ARE OUR normal!


We have visited the doctor seven times in the last two months. Can’t say I blame her.


But I feel I’ve grown a lot as a mom, every single time my husband leaves town, because I have little by little just accepted what OUR normal is. And it is NOT what the world defines as normal, or American, or living the dream. It is chaos.


We NORMALLY grow double chins around here- that is our normal. Like I said before, being stranded from gaslessness is our normal. Mismatched shoes, poop skid marks on the kitchen floor, mullet-ish hair, half-licked cheetos often stuck on our clothes, sharpie markers in place of lip gloss, crayon marks on all the doors, multiple cavities, and double chins, are the Holson normal.


That doctor makes money off of our “normalness.” I can see why she found that phrase profitable.


And I am happy to be here. Not that I have ever known any different, coming from a dad who’s name is Stinky, IN THE PHONEBOOK. All of this IS completely normal, compared to the porcelain, diarrhea-green toilet, bathtub, and sink, that I grew up with. Now for the white toilets, they were used for planters on the front lawn. It all makes total sense.


Whether this is your normal or not, I hope you feel at the least, slightly encouraged. And don’t you worry, Chucky’s leg is back to NORMAL size, whatever that means.


And you shall know us by our double chins and we shall like it. It’s the sign of happiness.. normally.


So normal people like us, double chinned and constantly being pruned apparently. For some reason I picture my personal pruning process like the cheese grater my pedicurist smoothes my heels with. (Minus the horrible face she makes as she does it. God doesn’t do that.)


“But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.“ Galatians 6:14


”So that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” (1 Cor 1:31)


As we speak, Chucky sucked all the orange coloring out of the marker I let her have. And I am shockingly calm about it. Jesus IS the real deal people; He is doing a haul over on my heart. Just last week I would have WWE’d her Chucky booty.


Which I guess is the point of this calling of Motherhood placed on my life. Faith that Christ will show up with gas or snacks, someway, somehow, even when daddy is gone. And Chucky is awake.


Be blessed mama‘s. We are gonna be shinier than diamonds some day!


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