We've got worms.
Or we did. And they could return at any time, lurking in the darkness of the night. They could come for you too. Tiny, microscopic, pin worms. I won't go into further detail, but just know if you suspect any certain nail-toenail-biting, fingernail-eating, child has them due to their inability to lay still and sleep at night (because the worms legit only debut at night), there is a fancy little bottle of cheap, banana flavored, over-the-counter, medicine, that harmlessly does the trick. Remain calm, everyone.
There is no getting out of going to bed in our house! We have been thrown every attempt at escaping bed time, a few times traumatically, and thus far we have also resolved every attempt at escaping bed time, thanks to God.
God made the sun to rise for us to wake up.
God made the sun to set for us to go to bed.
Logic defies all kid-tactics.
Just read your Bible.
And guilt, we don't accept that nonsense either. Hence the dirty dishes in my microwave.
There are tiny, little, microscopic, wormish, reasons that there are sometimes dirty dishes in my microwave and sandwich baggies or lone socks falling out of my car every time the door opens. My best yes, that is why (which apparently isn't best for any obvious reasons to the naked eye).
Oh, and of course for tiny reasons like, CPS.
Who in their right mind would have bowls, and cups, and WINE GLASSES, etc, just dirty and sitting out on their countertops because the sink is too full and so is the dishwasher, when you KNOW CPS is coming for a friendly little visit?! NOONE! Atleast noone who isn't trying to prove their cleanliness-innocence. I've got bigger fears to fry with CPS like WORMS. Putting dishes into my microwave didn't even cause me to get them out quickly after the visit, before anyone could find me out. In fact, its the least amount of thought I put into any decision I made that day!
I don't feel guilty about not doing the dishes and I don't feel guilty about hiding them away in the microwave to make our house look cleaner than it really is. I also don't feel guilty that my husband is the one who found all the dirty dishes crammed in the microwave when he was trying to re-heat his several-day-old-leftovers for dinner for the second night in a row. Nope, no guilt here at all.
Lastly, I don't feel an ounce of guilt for yelling at my kids tonight for incredibly valid, numerously repeated reasons, either. I mean, one can only deny a request for hot chocolate with marsh mellows so many ways, without hitting some sort of breaking point.
I have tried really hard to teach my kids to read social cues and I have failed them. What I'm choosing to conclude is that only a very highly intelligent, future CEO, could enthusiastically ask for a hot-chocolate-treat every five minutes for an hour straight, following a record-meltdown regarding privileges to attend big sisters kinder basketball practice. I mean, I'm over here seeing dollar signs or scholarships or something super duper positive, with all the hyper-determination, my overachieving question askers have in their apparently very bright futures.
Never take no for an answer. My kids, they will teach you their ways. I feel it is my duty as their life-coach to keep presenting them with the same monotone "no" to the same question they asked me just a mere five minutes before, the same as their sibling also just asked, because their resiliency is basically budding off the growth-charts now. It would be an injustice to them and their future doctorate degree if I say "yes" now.
We are raising, no breeding, stormtroopers. Nothing can stop them from their quest...ionning. Nothing.
That is all. Goodnight.